I've found heaven on earth.
Mont Rochelle be thy name.
Set against the Klein Dassenberg Mountains and overlooking the beautiful vineyards of the Franschhoek Valley, this exquisite and intimate 22-room hotel is the definition of relaxation and luxury.
With deluxe suites complete with private plunge pools, dining rooms and spa baths, it's quite easy as a guest to simply never leave your room — which I suppose is ideal if you've just popped the question, are having an affair, or are on honeymoon…
But as tempting at it may be to just enjoy the quiet luxury of a R6000-a-night suite, there are many more things to do at Mont Rochelle — both as a hotel guest, or as the more money-minded day-tripper.
Wining and Dining
There are two restaurants on the estate — both as delicious and different as each other.
The Mont Rochelle Restaurant and Winery, located a few hundred metres from the hotel in a gorgeous Cape Dutch Manor House with manicured gardens, serves tasty yet simple Mediterranean-styled food and wines fit for any occasion.
It's the perfect place to grab a table under the trees and enjoy a crisp chardonnay and the greatest wild mushroom risotto I've ever tasted. However, if that is not relaxing enough for you, a variety of gourmet picnics can be ordered and taken away — a great way to enjoy a lazy Sunday lunch if you've come out from Cape Town for the day.
For the more sophisticated, and those with a special occasion to celebrate, the elegant Mange Tout restaurant — situated within the hotel itself with a classic Provençal feel — will satisfy any fine diner's palate. With just the gentle sounds of the grand piano in the corner, dining at Mange Tout is all about the quiet intimacies of love, food and wine; so leave the kids at home for this one.
A horse walks into a bar...
To make your wine experience a little more special — you are, after all, on a wine farm — the hotel offers its guests gourmet wine tasting and food pairing, a cellar or vineyard tour, and even wine tasting on horseback. Which gives new meaning to the joke 'A horse walks into a bar'.
With all the rich wining and dining, it's probably a good idea for the conscience to get outdoors and experience — with varying degrees of activity to inactivity — the picture postcard Franschhoek Valley.
For the fit and enthusiastic, the valley and quaint town of Franschhoek itself abounds with great back roads and trails for all levels of cyclists, runners and hikers. And for the adventurous, a hang-glider flight off the surrounding mountains can even be arranged by the hotel.
But if the idea of careering down a mountain or flying without an engine is too foreign to fathom, then grab your golf-clubs, fly-fishing gear or swim trunks and spend the day relaxing in the belief that you are exercising, as you swing that nine iron, cast that line or simply laze about the hotel pool.
Marrying my masseuse
After a seriously tough day of gourmet dining and out-and-about-ing in the valley, the friendly hotel staff pointed me in the direction of their wellness centre.
Now, ordinarily I find these sorts of health centres and spas as perfunctory rather than a must-do, however, I do believe that one day I will return to this particular wellness centre and marry my masseuse.
Not because the full-body massage was 'oriental' in any sense, or because she looked like Paris Hilton — no, I will return to marry her because I have never felt so good and peaceful in all my life. An experience well worth the R500 and a day trip from Cape Town.
With the cheapest room starting at around R1500 a night and the Cap Classique suite coming in at R6180 a night, it's not hard to see that this hotel is aimed at the top end of the South African market and those with dollars, euros and pounds. But what is so fantastic about Mont Rochelle is that day visitors too can experience most of it, from the horseback wine tasting and relaxed picnic to the life-changing massage and fine dining.
And if you are planning or celebrating a special moment, the price tag for a night or two of unforgettable luxury is worth it. Hell, seeing an en suite bathroom bigger than my house is worth the price tag alone…