Rick Crosier is co-author of the recently released book 'Why I’ll Never Live In Oz Again – Or The US, The UK, Canada And New Zealand', which has been generating controversy for arguing that the grass isn’t always greener for those considering emigrating from South Africa.

Crosier contributed the title chapter, a selection of bawdy and humorous memories from his time living in Brisbane and Melbourne. In this interview, Crosier contributes to the long-running South African should-I-stay, should-I-go debate.

Why did you contribute to 'Why I’ll Never Live In Oz Again'?
Well, other than being asked to, it provided an interesting challenge and a chance for reflection on my time in Oz. I do feel I was fair in my assessment of what is, at the least, a very interesting country. Having travelled extensively over the world I was able to see both the pros and the cons of Australia.

What were your arguments against living in Australia?
I believe it to be severely over-legislated, and I don’t think this is necessarily a good thing – probably because my ancestors were sent there at Her Majesty’s pleasure and our criminal blood runs deep. (To this day we’ve even been known to litter. And sometimes we’ve fed the dogs a bit late.)

I also happen to really enjoy my life and lifestyle in South Africa. I have choices and opportunities here that I could not dream of in Australia.

Is South Africa the best place to live?
No. I divide my time between Cape Town, Jo’burg and the Eastern Cape, and I can’t say that any of them are perfect. But they offer a lot and they’re bloody good in the right areas.

Why did I answer no? Simply because every country has both flaws and virtues, so I think it’s unfair to say that one is better than another.

Do we really have it as good as the many pro-South Africans will have us believe?
Again, no. The country is in a jolly big mess. Or at least that’s the international perception.

As a white heterosexual male, I’ve also been drummed out of various jobs over the years on account of AA and BEE. But so what? In South Africa I’ve had the chance not just to write books, but also host a radio show, a TV show, make movies, lecture at a university, write columns and become a published photographer. I’ve driven exotic cars, dated beautiful women and rarely have a free evening for a quiet game of pool.

So when I say no, South Africa is not the best place to live, what I’m actually saying is: Hey, whatever gets you through the night. For the moment SA does. And on most nights, it’s a good one.

Is SA doomed?
Yes. Or at least it would be if Britain didn’t have so much money invested in it. God bless the Queen.

No, the real problem with SA is a lack of sense of humour. This is never indicative of a healthy society. Make sport of someone and you’re either being racist, sexist, homophobic or insensitive in one of the many other categories on offer.

Why are expats so bitter?
The best analogy I can think of is that South Africa is like an ex-girlfriend; you fell in love with her, got frustrated with her faults and now have to focus on all her negatives to justify your decision. You sublimate the virtues to the vices. We all do this, it’s part of human nature. When you live in any country you form a relationship with it, and when any relationship fails you blame the other party.

I won’t for a second trivialise anyone’s reason for leaving SA. I think that anyone brave enough to pack up and move is a person with a hell of a backbone. What I dislike is those people who, having made the move, keep looking in the rear view mirror to justify their decision.

Have you ever considered emigrating?
Yes, but not for any of the standard reasons. I have always wanted to live in Texas. It’s a romantic notion, but as a long-term lover of country music, big cars, horses and wide open spaces, and that accent, I would move there tomorrow. Failing that I would move to New Orleans, where I have lived, or Florida or somewhere in the Miami-Dade county. I’m white trash at heart, so the South really suits me. I’m a good old Southern boy.

Why do you choose to stay?
My family. At the end of the day they’re the only ones who’ll stick by you when times get tough. I’m lucky enough to have the sort of family that I consider to be friends. There’s nothing that we wouldn’t do for each other.

What would be your tipping point that forces you to leave?
I’m not sure I have one: I prefer to stand and fight. I currently work with the police to try to help get the scum off the street, but I have the luxury of doing this since I don’t have a wife or child to look after. If that was a consideration and the situation became so bad that I had to worry about them permanently, I would leave. In the meantime I’d rather try to make things better.

If you had to leave tomorrow, what would you miss most about SA?
Boerewors rolls, droewors and biltong. As an afterthought, I might also miss my family and friends. No offence, guys.

'Why I’ll Never Live In Oz Again' (Two Dogs) sells for R100 and is available through bookstores and on the internet. See www.twodogs.co.za for more information.