It was the first time I'd heard that analogy from a game ranger, but the dull, slightly annoyed look in the eyes beneath the buffalo's horny head does indeed make the only bovine member of the Big Five looks like he's after something you've got.
Good thing we're tucked safely in the back of a Land Rover then, otherwise the buffalo wandering across Shamwari Game reserve might just decide it's time call in their marker.
Shamwari has quite rightly carved a legendary name for itself in the safari scene, to become one of the South Africa's top private reserves. It all started back in 1990 when businessman Adrian Gardiner bought a small plot of land halfway between Port Elizabeth and Grahamstown as a weekend getaway for his family. Little did he realise that his small slice of Africa would one day garner numerous awards and be lauded as the World's Leading Conservation Company and Game Reserve for five consecutive years.
Shamwari has come a long way since Gardiner cleared the alien vegetation off his 1200 hectare plot and set about rehabilitating the landscape, but only after meticulous research into what the region was like before settlers decimated the wild game and cleared the verdant hills of thicket and woodland to create grazing for their cattle. By 1991, when Gardiner started buying up the unprofitable farms surrounding his family getaway, there was little left of the rich green oasis that drew settlers to what is now known as 'Frontier Country'.
Slowly, but surely that began to change though, and today Shamwari covers 25 000 hectares of land, all of it either returned to its former glory or on the road to recovery. The dust bowls of the 90s are gone, and in their place come wooded thickets favoured by herds of elephant and grassy plains patrolled by cheetah.
You will get cold on the game drive!
Game viewing is, of course, the main attraction at Shamwari. No wonder then that the likes of Prince Charles (with Harry and William in tow, after Diana's death) and Thabo Mbeki have chosen the reserve as their safari bolt-hole of choice.
Twice daily game drives — at a bleary-eyed 5am, and a more civilized sundowner-suitable 4pm — will see you trundling across the reserve as your ranger unwraps the many hidden secrets of the reserve. In the mornings, do remember that cardinal rule of going on safari — you will get cold on the game drive! Don't say I didn't warn you.
Between game drives you'll spend your time back at your lodge (there are several scattered throughout the reserve, each with their own character) relaxing, reading and eating. No, you certainly won't go hungry on a Shamwari safari, with long periods of sitting down interspersed by the opportunity to eat yet another plateful of the delicious fare on offer.
If you're staying at Eagle's Crag, you'll be glad to get back to your suite; game or no game.
Tucked away along a boardwalk, the nine suites lie stretched along a tributary of the Assegaai River with riverine thicket providing absolute privacy for each suite. A good thing too, as you may be so eager to get into your private plunge pool that you completely forget your speedo. Oh well, no matter... the only peeping toms you're likely to find are the pair of Black Eagles who patrol the rocky crag above.
In addition to the plunge pool, each suite boasts outdoor showers and wall-to-wall glass doors on two side, making the room feel part of the reserve. Decorated in light and contemporary colours, with a bath big enough for doing laps in, the suites provide great views of the surrounding cliffs.
You'll be hard-pressed to leave come 4pm, when the range comes to collect you from your suite — the lodge isn't fenced, and you don't want to run into any toothy residents hanging about under the boardwalk.
All your questions answered...
Afternoon game drives are, in my opinion, far better than the morning. For starters you don't have the bleary look of someone who's been woken at 4.30am, and as the animals wander out from their midday naps you're more likely to see the big game wandering around and the smaller animals finding a hidey-hole for the night. The ritual sundowner at some panoramic spot also helps, of course.
With drinks drunk it's a spot-lit drive back to the lodge for a hot shower and dinner — a slightly modern take on the usual safari lodge fare of stews, game meats and salads — served either in the boma or the formal lodge dining room. Communal mealtimes allow guests to mingle and fire questions at their allocated ranger… something that's often tricky to do on the game drive itself.
And questions aplenty you are sure to have after a day out in the reserve. Why is the Black now called the Verreaux's Eagle, what makes a euphorbia so special and have any large buffalos been around today asking for their cash?