Questions abound after last night’s Champions League clash in Denmark. Is Wayne Rooney really Robbie Kempson’s lovechild? How does John O’Shea get a game for United (and forty thousand quid a week for the privilege)? Who will go first: Ryan Giggs or Sir Alex (and will it be in our lifetime)? And most pertinently, when was the last time Dimitar Berbatov washed his hair?

There’s a well established streak of homoerotic affection that runs through professional football — the hugs, the squeezes, the pats on the bottom (a gesture borrowed from the Australian cricket team). But running your fingers through Berbatov’s hair — firmly free of shampoo, and glistening with the sheen of a man who’s just been swimming in the wake of the Exxon Valdez — is something else altogether.

But while the Bulgarian’s hair is clearly a health hazard, his touch more than compensates if you’re a United fan; a quiet start for the former Spurs man, perhaps, but two fine strikes last night showed why United paid a cool £30-million for Berbatov. You could bail out a decent-sized investment bank with that sort of money, but with the financial climate as it is, throwing the money at unwashed Bulgarians instead does seem far more sensible.

It’s fascinating watching United at the moment; more accurately, it’s fascinating watching English football at the moment. United, as defending champions in both England and Europe, demand plenty of attention, as Ferguson looks to blend the genius of Ronaldo and Rooney with the more modest talent of Fletcher and Carrick, in pursuit of more success at Old Trafford. Last night’s Danish victory was a signal of intent from a revived United side; still, they’re far from the only team attracting attention in England.

Chelsea are away to CFR Cluj in Transylvania tonight; provided Felipe Scolari has the team decked out in garlic and crucifixes, the Brazilian’s team should continue with a very impressive start to the season. In the way of Avram Grant’s departure (he’s back in Israel, working the local stand-up comedy circuit), Scolari has a team brimming with menace and intent — and more importantly for Chelsea, looking like a team, rather than a collection of expensive Russian playthings.

Across London, and a young Arsenal squad, light on pre-season signings, is sending out mixed feelings — the destruction of a Porto side usually very feisty in Europe, coming on the back of a poor result at the weekend. There’s enough talent in Wenger’s squad to suggest they’ll be dangerous all season, but by the same token, a hint of fragility lurks worryingly for Gunners fans.

And then there’s Liverpool, or more pertinently, Steven Gerrard and Fernando Torres. No single team in Europe, let alone England, is so thoroughly dominated by two players; when both stars kick in and perform, as they do on a regular basis, Liverpool look very impressive. European overachievement has been coupled with English underachievement for the last few seasons; Liverpool fans won’t like me saying it, but I’d anticipate much the same this season.

Liverpool will certainly compete, then, for one very simple reason: the Premiership is looking very open this season. The big four are fairly even — Chelsea probably having a slight edge on the other three at the moment, but only just — but as Hull’s Arsenal win illustrated at the weekend, the league is looking awfully competitive. Manchester City’s inbound millions suggest a new threat to the established quartet, and they might not be last Premiership club to take charge of massive investment.

Which leads to probably the most interesting club in England at the moment — Newcastle United. Mike Ashley’s basket case was on sale for close to half a billion pounds; Newcastle’s embattled owner has just about halved that, and still no one seems to be buying. Expect the club to be on eBay by the end of the month… Troubled times for the Toon army, then, who’re suffering a horror start to the season; in that context, your new star striker refusing to wash his hair seems a particularly petty quibble. Especially if he keeps last night’s form.

  • Glamorous night at The Nose Bar on Monday, for South Africa’s answer to the Laureus Awards: the annual Mighty Dodos Awards Dinner, which just happened to coincide with The Nose’s half price wine sale. With Robbie Kempson as guest of honour, another grand season drew to a hedonistic close: Ryan Kitcat picked up Player of the Year, Grant ‘The Wall’ Holton picked up Dodo of the Year, and Rhodes Kent tried to pick up every girl at the dinner; as usual, a spectacular lack of success. Some big names are on the cards for 2009 (both Kempson and Brian McMillan are threatening to sign for hockey’s celebrity stars); watch this space.

  • Contact Dan at dan@metropolis.co.za

    Print this page
    Send this article to a friend
    RSS
       Digg
    de.li.cious
    facebook