Question:
I have two teenage boys and they are a constant drain on our resources. They seem to think that our money is unlimited and are quite callous about their demands. I have tried to put my foot down, but their nagging is relentless.

How do I fix this situation as it causes huge stress in the family?

Answer:
No parent likes to say no all of the time, especially if they can afford the constant requests from their children. But caving in to every demand can have far more serious consequences than the half an hour sulk meted out by junior when his whims are not met.

Saying no takes energy, commitment and a resistance to the pouting lips they have perfected.

Here are a few suggestions for dealing with it in a patient and positive manner:

1. Be honest. Let them know that you love them enough to want what's best for them. Sometimes, going without (believe it or not) is sometimes what's best. A number of reasons can be offered. The money is needed for school fees, groceries, an upcoming purchase or anything else of importance that you can come up with.

2. Let them know that everyone handles money differently and what's right for one family might not be right for another. Ask your child how he or she thinks the other families afford all the latest gizmos. Suggest to them that they may have mountains of debt hanging over their heads.

   Paint a bleak picture for older kids of you living with them forever, because your retirement funds were spent on designer shoes and electronic gadgets.

   They are old enough for you to sit down with them with your monthly budget. Let them see where all the money goes. They are probably not aware of insurance, medical aid and retirement spending.

3. Explain that having stuff doesn't make a better person. It's what we do, and not what we have, that makes us worthwhile people. It is also worthwhile pointing out to them that you as a parent cannot go out and buy whatever you want, the needs of the family comes first.

4. Suggest they save and buy it themselves. Offer to pay half if they come up with the rest. This does not work so well with younger kids, because by the time they save enough the price will have gone up with inflation. It will, however, work with inexpensive items.

Whatever you do, don't feel guilty about limiting the material goods. If they understand that they cannot have everything they desire the lesson will be carried into adulthood. Overindulged kids get a very rude awakening when they are finally cut loose from the parental purse strings. They are also far more likely to get into debt or have problems managing money.

So, saying no to their whims today is saying yes to their financial independence tomorrow.