Comedian John Vlismas tells us about his first car, driving a Ferrari 599 and sex in the boot.

Where did you learn to drive?
In Durban, driving for my dad’s business.

Who taught you?
My parents.

What was your first car?
A Tazz.

What happened to it?
I traded it in for an old GTI in Bethlehem.

What car do you own now?
An Audi A4 Turbo Diesel.

Why did you buy it?
Because Wesbank is reckless and stealing it would have been impractical in the long run.

What do your cars say about you?
I’m not very car-proud, I think cars are a very extravagant expense in this country.

What do you look for in a car?
Brakes.

If you could replace one of your cars which one would it be?
I’d replace my Audi if I wasn’t a dad.

What would you replace it with?
A Kawasaki MN109R in black.

What’s the best or most expensive car you've ever driven?
My Audi, once I’ve paid the finance charges.

What's your dream car if money was no object?
I used to love the Bentley GT Continental and I recently saw an anodised black Merc SLR — it looked like the Batmobile. A friend of mine has a Ferrari 599 — the acceleration and handling are insane, but I could never own a car like it, it’s not my vibe.

Have you been caught speeding?
Yes, let’s just say I was supposed to be locked up, but I’ve also stopped getting so uptight in my car, I got tired of paying monthly donations to the donut fund.

What’s the worst part about driving in SA?
People who get negative the moment they get behind the wheel. This is Africa – take it easy, we’ll all get there.

Who would your ideal passenger be?
My girlfriend, she can’t read in the car, so she’s often at a loose end.

What’s the ideal driving music?
The Kills – 'Keep On Your Mean Side'.

What's the strangest thing you've done in a car?
Getting laid while locked in the boot, I chipped a tooth on a speedhump.

What's the most dangerous thing you've done in a car?
My first six driver’s licence tests.

Sex in the backseat – any tips?
Ja, get a room.