The people at Land Rover South Africa like to call these kinds of trips ‘Travelogues’. But when translated directly into English, the word travelogue means – We’ve been selling so many cars recently, that we can take some excess budget and take the motoring media on holiday. Well, that’s the way I see it anyway.

There was no real reason for this trip to Victoria Falls and Chobe National Park except to have a good time. They did however try to give us the excuse that they are releasing one hundred special edition Discovery 3s into the wild. These special Discos feature what Land Rover calls the ‘Bright Pack’ internally. But we’re not supposed to know that. We’re just supposed to know that there are one hundred Discos with special chrome trim and painted wheel arches available. Now you know. But by the time you read this, most of them will probably be sold. The popularity of the Disco 3 in South Africa has surprised even Land Rover.

I don’t have a problem with Land Rover’s Tactics. When the invite for the so called ‘travelogue’ came through to my email inbox, I didn’t hesitate to accept. I know what these things are all about and I’ve participated in the past. There are a couple of really important things to remember though. First of all, always bring a spare liver along. And second, never, ever take a sip with your right hand. This my friend, is what you call the ‘Buffalo’ rule. And Land Rover’s PR Leslie is always going to be lurking over your shoulder waiting for you to slip up. When you do, you will be forced to down whatever’s left in your glass and a new dop will be produced within seconds. To this day, I’m still hesitant to reach for any type of beverage with my right hand for fear of consequence.

The further I get into writing this story, the more I realise how difficult it’s going to be for me to incorporate the actual car this trip is all about. Let me just get it out of the way in one paragraph so that we can get to the fun stuff. All I can really say about the Discovery 3 is that it is pretty much everything it’s cracked up to be. It handled every type of deep, dark African terrain we could throw at it.

At one point I was forced to do some serious trail-blazing with a level ten hangover, but with the choice of Terrain Response available at the turn of a dial, I never struggled at all (with the driving anyway). We negotiated deep sand around Chobe in Botswana, dense bush around Vic Falls in Zim and decaying roads near the Kazangula border post in Zambia with nine Discos, and never had the slightest problem. Actually, I did get stuck once.

But it was because I ignored the instruction to put the vehicle into low range that came through over the two-way radio. Must have had the Bob Marley pumped up a bit too loud. My hosts felt like holding up the convoy for a couple minutes was good enough reason for punishment. One times ‘strafdop’ for me at dinner that night. It was worth it though. Land Rover’s Logic 7 sound system really pumps, and good old Bob has never sounded so good.

I would need at least half of this magazine’s pages to tell you about all the exciting stuff that happened on this trip. It’s impossible, and you’d get bored anyway, but there are a couple of things I’ve got to tell you about. Somewhere between kayaking the Zambezi and bungee jumping off Victoria Falls (which I refused to participate in due to another hangover), we had a bit of a game drive around Chobe. Now I’ve heard that there’s a little over-population of elephants in this area, but I wasn’t prepared for what we saw there. I’ve seen a few small groups of elephants before, but there’s this spot there called ‘Elephant Valley’. A herd of over one thousand of these massive creatures in one view. The only word I can effectively use to describe this sight is ‘surreal’. It made our convoy of rather large SUVs seem rather insignificant in the greater scheme of things.

Phew! I got a little sentimental there for a minute. Let’s get less serious for the end of the story and talk about drinking some more. Basically, alcohol abuse took up most of our free time and we literally depleted some of southern Africa’s tequila and beer reserves. I can’t say it wasn’t partially my fault though. I did spend my twenty-ninth birthday with the group. In hindsight I probably shouldn’t have divulged that information. I guess I’m a glutton for punishment.

A special occasion like this is all Leslie needs to force all kinds of concoctions down my throat. We actually invented a couple of drinks that night. Namely the ‘Boksburg Toilet’. Come to think of it, I have no idea what went into that thing, but I’m sure the Discoverys could have run on it. That drink can never be duplicated. Probably a good thing.

The next time I’m planning on seeing my friends at Land Rover will be the launch of the 2007 Freelander later this year in Morocco or something like that. I’m not sure if I’m looking forward to it though. At least I’ve got some time to cleanse my innards. Better get started.