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Tom Gray went along to his local auction house to give it a try:
I've got my eye on an old lamp. It's nothing to look at now, but with a new shade, and a spit and polish, it would be the envy of any interior designer. It has to be mine.
I'm new at the auction game, and though this is a pretty low-key affair (the bidders are gathered in a little knot in the middle of the room, while others lounge about on the unsold lots) my pulse is starting to race.
It's been a pretty stressful morning. I've got a bidding number in my pocket, a deposit behind the desk, and I'm petrified that if I scratch my nose or cast a sideways glance at the auctioneer I'll unwittingly buy the baby grand piano with a cracked case that's going at R5000 and climbing...
Don’t feel you need to be a bidding warrior at your first auction. Going to a couple just to watch and listen will give you a good idea of how they work.
If you're going to be bidding, though, register with the auctioneers when you arrive. In exchange for your name, address and, depending on the auction, a refundable deposit, they'll give you a numbered bidding card. (Not a good idea to lose it but, if you do, tell someone in charge.)
When registering, ask for a copy of the conditions of sale outlining the specific policies of the auction house on issues like payment procedures and buyers' premiums.
Remember school? If there's anything you don't understand, ask the auctioneer questions before the sale or during the designated Q & A time. Many auction houses actually spend some time addressing typical questions and explaining the auction process.
If an auction catalogue is available, get one to familiarise yourself with the items and their price estimates which provide a rough guide of the final price.
Probably more useful are the accompanying lot numbers which ID each item and indicate the order in they're going to be sold. If there's no catalogue, though, use the lot lists posted up around the venue.
Using the lot numbers check out the goods you're hoping to nab, either on the morning of the sale or at the viewing session that some auction houses organise on the day before. If offered, the preview is usually the best bet, giving you more time to examine the items, all of which are sold 'voetstoets' — as is, without guarantees.
And, unless you've got absolutely nothing better to do than wait and watch other people bid for toilet seats or old tyres until your lot comes up, do some mental arithmetic. Find out how many lots the auctioneer expects to sell per hour and figure out roughly when your dream possessions are up.
Finally my lot comes up, number 311: brass standard lamp with torn lampshade. "We'll start the bidding at one hundred shall we?" I sit tight, "Seventy five? Who'll give me R50?"
The bidding starts low, and I've had a chance to suss out the strategy. Do I go in hard from the start, and try to blow anyone else out of the water, or do I hold back, let the other bidders tire themselves out, and jump in at the end to snatch it up?
When your chalice comes up for sale, the auctioneer will give its lot number and a brief description. He'll suggest a starting bid, but will reduce this until an offer is made — so don’t assume his initial suggestion is the lowest price available.
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