Forty-nine percent of teens use alcohol, 31 percent smoke, and 13 percent use dagga, at least 30 percent experience depressive symptoms, while most are exposed to violence and uncertainty — according to the Youth Risk Survey 2002.

Many of South Africa's youth lack vital skills to help them cope with the stresses and hurdles they will inevitably face. As South Africa faces more crises, more economic stress, more uncertainty; parents become more stretched, more absent, and children's support systems dwindle.

There is a critical need to develop skills in young people that provide a buffer and enable them to be resilient in the tough times.

Teachers have a responsibility

The education system plays a vital role in children's mental and emotional wellness.

Teachers have far more 'face-time' with children and teens, and see changes in behaviour and performance often more than the child's parents.

Yet they can't interpret these signs, and often disregard serious signs of depression or bullying with "he's just a teenager, it's normal".

Teachers need to be educated on the signs of mental and emotional distress — it could save lives.

Research has shown that how a child fits in at school, how connected and accepted he feels, is vital for his mental wellness.

"School connectedness was the single most protective factor against the development of mental health problems for adolescents that had experienced major negative life events," according to Ash & Shochet (2002).

A ray of light for schools?

In a brand new programme, brought in from Australia, the youth are taught resilience in an 11-week school-based intervention.

Young people are able to identify and build their self-esteem and resilience by recognising their own strengths and developing a range of skills such as problem-solving, and help-seeking.

In research on the Rap Programme (Resilient Adolescent Programme) form 14 countries in Europe and Australia, the majority of students reported that the programme helped them cope with stress and to feel more positive, and most found the cognitive and social skills taught useful. Over 80 percent reported that they looked forward to Rap; and that Rap provided value in their every-day life.

In a sister programme, teachers are shown how warm relationships, including empathy and respect for learners, impact on their emotional wellness and increased ability to cope. The teachers' programme helps teachers to understand the importance of finding a role and a sense of belonging in school; and the need to focus on the strengths of all children.

The programme could literally save the lives of all South African children and help them become more productive, assertive and focused members of the community.

For more information on the programme, schools can contact Janine Shamos on +27 11 262 6396 or janine@anxiety.org.za.

Depression and death

It is known that depression is the cause of most teen suicide but what causes depression in teens?

Psychologists believe that some people have a genetic tendency towards depression while others develop depression due to external environmental factors. Bullying is one of these factors. And it's on the increase.

More frightening is that we tell our children to expect it — and accept it — because "boys will be boys".

Imagine sitting at work, minding your own business and suddenly being hit over the head. Imagine sitting on your lunch hour, eating your lunch quietly... without warning you are knocked from your chair, your lunch splatters as your head hits the ground, you feel blow after blow raining down on your head, your face, your body. Imagine being told if you say anything or complain you will be killed... Hard to imagine isn't it? Yet, this is the reality for many of our children everyday at school.

Bullying is abusive behaviour by one or more learners against a victim. It can be a direct physical attack like teasing, taunting, hitting, punching and stealing, or it can be more subtle and malicious through gossiping, spreading rumours and intentional exclusion.

The result is the victim becomes socially rejected and isolated. Physical or psychological intimidation creates an ongoing pattern of harassment and abuse — the vicious cycle of bullying.

Silent cries for help

Learners typically don't tell adults about being bullied as they feel that intervention is infrequent and inconsistent and will only make matters worse. Also many children feel that teachers and parents see bullying as a harmless rite of passage that is best ignored, as it will pass naturally. This is not so. It takes a special type of person to intentionally cause pain to others.

"Bullying is not a problem that sorts itself out naturally," says the South African Depression and Anxiety Group.

"The line between boys being boys gets blurred when a child is intentionally targeted, when a playground slap turns to a punch," says Helen Rozkydal, a primary school educator and counsellor. The effects of bullying can last a lifetime and cause a great deal of pain and misery.

Children and teens who are bullied feel anxious, tense and afraid. It affects their concentration at school and results in a drop in school performance. "Bullying affects the victim's self-esteem and feelings of self-worth," says Johannesburg-based psychologist Dr Colinda Linde.

Weapons for protection

"Teens may start to withdraw socially and become depressed. Some may take weapons to school for protection or consider suicide as the only escape."

Research has shown that even years after being bullied, past victims have higher levels of depression and poorer self-esteem that other adults.

Suicide caused by the effects of bullying has become such a problem in Europe and the United States that there is now a word for it — 'bullycide'.

"The reality is that others took Brandon's life long before he ended his pain," says Cathy whose son Brandon committed suicide after being repeatedly bullied.

"Brandon fought a valiant battle, enduring all these things, until he lost all hope."

A mother whose 16-year-old son committed suicide said: "If only he could have spoken to me, to a teacher, someone... Your pain might be over but ours will haunt us forever. We could have helped — we would have helped."

On the increase in South Africa

Teen suicide is on the increase in South Africa with suicide accounting for nine percent of all teen deaths.

We know that children and teens are reluctant to approach adults for help so it's up to teachers and parents to speak to them first.

Bullying is a covert underground activity in a kids-only world. All too often adults are not aware of what is happening under their very noses.

"Parents and teachers need to ask their children how they are treated by peers and spread the word that bullying is bad for bullies," says Sadag's Shamos.

Don't expect kids to work it out for themselves — and never tell a victim to fight back because they really usually are weaker and smaller."

The victims are generally quieter than other children and tend to be socially incompetent loners.

"The victims avoid conflict at all costs and have no practice in dealing with conflict so they panic," says Shamos.

Victims are submissive — even before they are attacked, which may increase their chances of victimisation.

Nobody likes a victim

While no-one likes a bully, no-one likes a victim either. Victims make other children uncomfortable and this further isolates them amongst their peers.

This social isolation may be more damaging that the physical bullying and these children tend to become depressed, anxious and avoidant.

Most damaging is the fact that these 'whipping boys' internalise the negative views other children have of them.

Rozkydal observes that these children usually blame themselves for the bullying.

Parents may observe changes in their children like loss of appetite, changes in sleeping habits, crying, stomach aches, and not wanting to go to school. These symptoms could be cause for concern in any child and parents should contact the South African Depression and Anxiety Group on +27 11 783 1474/6.

Sadag, through its Teen Suicide Prevention Programme 'Suicide Shouldn't be a Secret', has seen the effects of bullying in both victims and perpetrators.

"There are huge costs for both sides," says Janine Shamos of Sadag. "Kids who are aggressive in childhood carry that aggression into adulthood." Sadag has seen the proof, time and time again, that bullies don't just harm others, they harm themselves.

"The only difference between a terrorist and a bully is in the organised planning or cause of the activity, and the scale of the terror," says Cathy. To a bullied child, the terms are interchangeable. Bullying is often a sign that these children are heading for serious trouble and are at risk for violence and law breaking.

Look at the root of the problem

Bullies are more likely to engage in delinquent behaviour like vandalism; shoplifting; and drug use into adulthood and are four times more likely to be convicted of crimes by the age of 24.

Sixty percent of bullies have at least one criminal conviction. Bullies get what they want, but not what they need.

"Bullies are angry and have a need to be powerful and in control. Controlling others makes them feel better about themselves," says Shamos. "They need to be shown constructive ways to deal with their frustration."

According to Bully Online, an anti-bullying site in the United Kingdom, the purpose of bullying is to hide inadequacy and childhood bullied often grow into adult bullies who are unable to accept responsibility for their behaviour.

Many schools have anti-bullying policies in place — find out about them and act on them — good intentions are not enough. Sadag also offers workshops to educators, parents and learners about bullying and what can be done.

It takes a lot for a child to admit to being bullied so take allegations seriously.

"Children who are bullied, as well as the bullies themselves, experience real suffering that can interfere with their social and emotional development as well as their school performance," says Dr Linde.

"It's time for bullying to be brought into the light."

Too many children have been destroyed by bullying.

In the final words of one 13-year-old boy who hanged himself due to incessant bullying: "Monday: my money was taken; Tuesday: names called; Wednesday: my uniform ripped; Thursday: my body pouring with blood; Friday: it's ended; Saturday: freedom." He was dead on Sunday.