What do Calista Flockhart, Lara Flynn Boyle, Catherine Zeta Jones, Angelina Jolie and Monica Lewinsky have in common? No, this isn't Hollywood Trivia. These successful actresses and one-time White-House intern, whose affair with Bill Clinton was the talk of the decade, all have or have had a penchant for older men.

While Harrison Ford, Jack Nicholson, Michael Douglas, Billy Bob Thornton, Bill Clinton and other sexy older guys like Richard Gere, Clint Eastwood — and that eternally seductive Scot, Sean Connery — may still have the ability to make a substantial portion of the female population swoon, what, other than physical sophistication and age-old charm (no pun intended), makes younger women pursue older men?

Freudian complex-ity

The father of sexual psychology Dr Sigmund Freud's theory of the Electra Complex explains a condition which is experienced by young girls, during their developmental stages, that causes them to form a strong attraction to their fathers. Perhaps an extreme example of this complex, in a modern day context, is the relationship between legendry Hollywood icon Woody Allen and his stepdaughter, Soon Yi.

While this relationship evoked feelings of repulsion and set tongues a-wagging, almost the same reaction can always be expected in any relationship involving younger women and older men or any type of age gap.

In the case of Soon Yi and Woody Allen, the father figure that Allen represented in Soon Yi's life became distorted when his fatherly feelings turned sexual, and many people were unable to cope with the explicit incestuous aspect of the relationship, least of all Mia Farrow who was married to Allen and had adopted Soon Yi as a young child.

Dating Grandpa

While relationships between ordinary men and women may lack the drama, mayhem and media circus associated with that of celebrity couples, and the fact that many women don't usually succumb to their desire for older men by developing relationships with men in their own families, their choice to go out with older partners is almost always met with some contempt from relatives, friends and colleagues.

"He is old enough to be your father" or "you’re dating Grandpa" are some of the most frequent comments that these women endure.

But, whether it is the Electra Complex, some other psychological need that is yearning to be fulfilled or even just plain, old attraction, there are both up sides and down sides to dating older men.

Daddy's little girl

According to Beliza Ann Furman, author of the book 'Younger Women — Older Men', women who are attracted to older men fall into two different categories.

They either had a doting father who told them frequently how cute they were and they want a lover who will do the same, or they never had that kind of attention and are desperate for it.

From her own experience of her relationship with a man 15 years her senior, Furman discusses the pros and cons of being involved in a relationship with an older man. She says that while having a boyfriend or husband who has already sown his wild oats, is financially secure, emotionally stable and has experienced much more of the world than you have is hugely beneficial, this, unfortunately does have a down side as most women who are involved with older men have a stigma attached to them.

The younger woman is usually viewed as a home-wrecker (since there is always the dreaded ex-wife to contend with, or worse, the current one) who is only interested in getting her hands on his bank balance.

Little Lolita

*Tarryn, a 23-year-old dental hygienist from Pretoria, has been dating *Morris, who is 30 years older than her, for three years and she describes the relationship as pure bliss.

"Despite the age gap, we are like any other couple and totally in love. At school, my friends used to call me Lolita because while they spent hours admiring teenage rugby players, I was fantasising about our silver-haired, bespectacled History teacher, *Mr Smythe.

"Ever since I can remember, I have always been attracted to older men", says Tarryn.

"When I was in primary school, it was high school guys and when I got to high school and, because wise old college professors were still out of reach, I chose to go out with the one guy in school whose hair was completely grey (a bleaching accident with catastrophic results). Apart from the hair, he also possessed a quaint charm, distinguished personality and was about as mature as he looked!

"I don't think my preference for older men has anything to do with my relationship with my father," she adds. "He was always there for my mom and me, and besides, he is much younger than most of the men I date. It’s definitely not in any way related to the absence of a father figure."

Tarryn says older men are just more appealing to her. "There's something about debonair, old gentlemen who have experienced so much more than I have, that really turns me on.

"Older men also seem to pay more attention to women and have fewer hang-ups than their younger counterparts," she says. "It has also been proven time and time again that experience makes all the difference.

"As the saying goes, 'I would rather be an old man's sweetheart than a young man's slave'."

Someone your own age

Durban-based psychologist Samantha Ramkissoon explains that girls mature quicker than boys do both physically and emotionally, and as a girl turns into a woman she begins to realise that her emotional needs are not necessarily being met by a man her own age.

"She then begins to search for someone who is more mature and has the ability to understand her," she says. "This can be achieved with someone older than her. Older men tend to be financially secure, emotionally mature and sexually experienced. She may also relate to an older man because he represents a 'father figure' in her life whom she subconsciously looks at as her protector and also someone that is supposed to support her every need as well as love her unconditionally, in the same way that a parent does.

"On the other hand," she adds, "some women seek out older men simply because of their financial security and social status, which will benefit them eventually. These motives have very little or nothing to do with love or attraction. Ultimately, if you’re in search of complete fulfilment in a relationship, love should be your main motivation when choosing a partner"

Family pariah

*Rachel, a 25-year old receptionist from Durban, says her parents were shocked and then experienced denial when they discovered that she was dating her 50-year-old boss, *Harold.

"My mum completely flipped out and started blaming me for every problem in the world," says Rachel. "My father, who was always over protective and over-bearing, stopped speaking to me and even my siblings turned their backs on me.

"I was extremely attracted to Harold even though I had dated a few younger guys and enjoyed those relationships," she says.

"Harold and I share a very special relationship and the fact that he is twice my age and has children who are older than me, is not a deterrent. My love for him has nothing to do with his age - I want to be with him because he is kind, considerate and takes me seriously.

"In the beginning I used to be really hurt about what my friends used to say about him," she explains. "They would ask me why I was wasting my time with a fossil when I could have any young guy I wanted. Some even questioned my sanity and asked me if I was dating Harold because I wanted attention.

"They would pretend to be concerned with my well-being, but would not hesitate to ridicule and scoff at my involvement with Harold at every chance they got. Things got really ugly when his ex-wife found out about it and tried to turn his children against him.

"While my family thought I had lost my mind, his family thought I was just another gold-digging hussy who was only after his money. I guess all the hurdles we faced to be together only strengthened the bond between us," she says.

"Despite being labelled the family pariah and being ignored by those whom I thought cared about me, I was able, with the unstinting support of Harold, to distance myself from all the negativity and concentrate on my own happiness.

"I wish people would stop being so judgmental and let others make their own choices," adds Rachel. "I don’t know why it is so hard to understand that while Harold is old enough to be my father, he isn’t, and so there is nothing perverse or immoral about our relationship."

Private and confidential

Older men usually tend to have a smaller circle of close friends and are more discreet as compared to a young man who proudly tells all his soccer buddies (who crowd into your lounge on a Saturday afternoon, watching TV and guzzling beer) about the cute, heart-shaped, mulberry birthmark on your posterior. Also, older men have fewer insecurities which means they won’t spend hours in the bathroom grooming their goatees or fretting over receding hairlines.

However, on the other hand, since your old guy has been around the block a couple of times, he may not share your passion for roller-blading or clubbing, and you might find yourself spending more time having dinner at the country club than bar-hopping with your mates. It is also possible that your excitement about your new job, dream car or first trip to Paris could be marred by his bored "Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt" attitude.

Different strokes for different folks

If you feel that older gents are your cup of tea, why let anything stand in your way? A relationship that is fulfilling and brings joy to you both is the ideal win-win situation. Surely love, which is the core of every person, should be allowed to take its natural course and bloom.

You should remember that whether your guy is young or old, eccentric or demure, he is your guy and you love him for that. So if Charlton Heston-types light your fire, don't let anybody tell you otherwise.

* Names have been changed