Survivor: Class Wars kicked off this week with the miserable lot at Ravioli dying of thirst. Without fire to boil water, they were reduced to sucking droplets of moisture off of leaves. Now that's what I like to see. Survivors so desperate that they’re tonguing the greenery.

"We’re dehydrated and that's making us delirious," Earl told us. I'll say. You're French kissing leaves. How long until you’re making out with rocks thinking they're muffins?

Over at Motorola, the picture could not be more different. They had their very own shower where they could waste precious water with impunity. The dehydrated Raviolis would be driven mad at the sight of it.

Not only do those privileged buggers have a shower, they have silverware and plates as well. Horrifying. One of the things I never expected to hear on 'Survivor' was: "Guys, let's use the good china tonight." What has this show become?

On the other hand, Motorola is unfortunate enough to have Lisi, who thinks it's hilarious to talk in a squeaky cartoon voice and has the most annoying laugh ever. Maybe living on Ravioli isn't that bad in comparison.

Rubbing sticks

Nope, I lied. Ravioli's still worse. In a fruitless quest for fire, the Raviolis tried the old rubbing sticks method. But rubbing sticks is hard at the best times, never mind when your brain is jelly from thirst. Praise the island gods for Yau Man then, who came up with the bright ideas of filling canteens with coconut water. If you think Ravioli are in dire straits now, just imagine how much worse off they'd be without the human Swiss Army Knife that is Yau Man.

In typical evil Mark Burnett fashion, he appears to have left Ravioli with a machete about as sharp as Rocky's mind — that is to say not at all. Speaking of Rocky, he was so hungry that he was eating clams off the ground. This is what happens when people don't have silverware and good china.

Accident-prone

Just in case you mistakenly think Rocky takes the role as biggest Meathead this season, Boo is here to prove you wrong. Boo is trying to equal Jackie Chan's injury sheet, except Jackie gets injured in cool ways that involve flying kicks and gravity-defying leaps. Boo gets hurt just by engaging in everyday activities.

First, he got something in his eye. A fly or a bee or a vulture flew into his eye and left a dent. Then he was chopping some wood with all the safety precautions of a worker in Chernobyl circa 1986. He sustained a nasty cut on his hand. Not even lying down and doing nothing is safe for Boo. While relaxing in his hammock, one of knots holding it up came loose. Splat went Boo. At this rate, he'll have chopped his arm off by the fourth episode.

Sylvia, alive despite having shared an island with a thousand sea snakes, arrived at her new home. The Raviolis pretended to be thrilled to see her. Yau Man gave her a hug for the sole purpose of peeking into her bag to see if she had the immunity idol. Heh heh, I love him.

Bossy boots

Sylvia should have used her architect skills to build her tribemates a mansion, or at least a working borehole. Instead she grilled them about what they'd done to find food and water, pissing them off in the process. The Raviolis had one word for her, starting with 'B' and ending with 'ossy'. In the immortal words of Lindsay Lohan: "I like it how I like it/ When I like it/ And that's how it is/ I'm just a little bossy/ You got a problem with it?/ If I want it I get it now."

In Sylvia's defense, she was aware of the tribe's negative reaction. Not that it stopped her from pissing them off anyway. This will not end well.

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