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Born to race cars, Speed Racer (Emile Hirsch) is aggressive, instinctive and, most of all, fearless. His only real competition is the memory of the brother he idolised — the legendary Rex Racer, whose death in a race has left behind a legacy that Speed is driven to fulfil.

Loyal to the family racing business — led by his father Pops Racer (John Goodman), the designer of Speed's thundering Mach 5 — Speed turns down a lucrative and tempting offer from Royalton Industries. And in the process he not only infuriates the company's maniacal owner (Roger Allam) but uncovers a dark secret — some of the biggest races are being fixed by a handful of ruthless moguls who manipulate the top drivers to boost profits. (It sounds a bit like cricket…)

If Speed won't drive for Royalton, the corporation will see to it that the Mach 5 never crosses another finish line. The only way for our hero to save the family business and the sport he loves is to beat Royalton at their own game. With the support of his girlfriend, Trixie (Christina Ricci), Speed teams with his one-time rival — the mysterious Racer X (Matthew Fox) — in an attempt to win the race that had taken his brother's life: the death-defying rally known as The Crucible.

But what sounds like the premise for a thrilling ride — or at least some mindless entertainment — is nothing of the sort.

Based on a Japanese '60s television show, 'Speed Racer' was written and directed by Andy and Larry Wachowski ('The Matrix' trilogy) who decided they wanted to make a 'wholesome movie their nieces and nephews could enjoy'. Really? The Wachowski brothers? Did anyone see lesbian crime thriller 'Bound'?

Here they continue their obsession with visual effects, in the process creating a computer-generated whirl of nonsense that fails to connect with the audience on any level. The storyline's been neglected in favour of the flashy action sequences — but why would we engage with car races that have all been created on computer? And the real life characters are so overpowered by the '70s-style CG wallpaper that even actors like Hirsch ('Into the Wild'), Goodman and Ricci fail to make an impression.

It’s a soulless mess, a real case of style over substance — although there's not much style on offer either. Striving for a retro-kitsch-cool look, 'Speed Racer' just comes off as a surreal nightmare. "The colours pop like a whore's nail polish!" as Rolling Stone's Peter Travers so succinctly put it.

That nail polish didn’t come cheap: intended to be a big US Summer blockbuster, it reportedly cost $120-million to make but has only collected a paltry $42-million. It's not hard to see why.

Even the primary target market for 'Speed Racer' will find it confusing, frenetic, absurd and, at 2¼ hours long, rather torturous. It's like being trapped inside a pinball machine or video game from which there's no escape.