Ring the bells

It's all about marriage this week — celebs are signing on for a lifetime of wedded bliss (or at least a good few months of it), showing off a big sparkly rock on their ring fingers or calling in the lawyers and going their separate ways. And some of them are explicitly ruling the institution out of their love lives.

Of course, the big star split is Liv Tyler and her rocker Royston Langdon — their five-year marriage is confirmed to be over.

No divorce in Minnie Driver's future, though, not least of all because she won't be making an honest man out of the mystery father of her baby-to-be. Bizarrely, she's managing to be a famous person and still not rush into a quick wedding, only to split up moments later. Surely this must be some kind of violation of her celebrity contract?

Really? No quick, yet incredibly expensive, lavish wedding to the baby daddy in Malibu? "Definitely not in the near future. It's not important to me. I don't think a piece of paper lends itself to the idea of being a good parent and I want to be a good parent." A good parent? That's crazy talk. You sure you really are a famous actress, Minnie?

Mariah Carey, on the other hand, is hurling herself into her new marriage — to her boyfriend of one month, Nick Cannon: A second wedding! Babies! Neck tattoo! Yay!

Carey has revealed that the loved-up couple are planning to have another whole wedding back home in the US, on their (cough) first anniversary. Um, I just... er, don't quite see them hitting that big milestone. But, hey, I'll keep my fingers crossed for them.

And for the continued relevance of Mariah's new tattoo of her married name that she just got done on her neck. And for their future kids — since Mariah seems dead keen on getting right onto the becoming-a-mother thing. As far as that goes — I'm delighted. Anything that keeps her busy and away from a microphone is something I'm all for.

"It's part of the whole purpose of getting married," says Carey of having wee ones. "I'd just want our children to have the best childhood and upbringing they possibly could." Wait a second — more good parenting aspirations? Have all the celebs run mad this week? Everyone knows that celebs are supposed to foist their kids on the nanny and jet around the world.