Nooooooooo!! It's terrible, monstrous, devastation news. Say it isn't so! I just don't think I can bear this pain...

Yes, Mariah 'butcher of all that is holy about music' Carey has just beaten Elvis Presley — The King! — on the list of artists with the most ever singles to top the US charts. How could this happen? I mean, Carey is to music what a bed of nails is to car tyres. Sure, she has an incredible voice — but that only makes her choice of what to do with it all the most reprehensible.

There's little to comfort me during this bleak time, except that Mariah is at least not actually number one yet. Let's hear it for The Beatles! They still at the top of the all-time most number one singles ratings. But Mariah's just kicked The King into third place with 18 top singles to his 17.

I can only pray that The Beatles' two-single lead holds.

At least Carey isn't trying to compare herself to the greats: "I really can never put myself in the category of people who have not only revolutionised music but also changed the world. That's a completely different era and time ... I'm just feeling really happy and grateful."

The most sensible words ever out of that mouth.

On to someone who's been having a harder time of life in the spotlight lately, despite never having inflicted such monstrosities as 'Hero' and 'We Belong Together' (nor even that horrifying 18th top single, 'Touch My Body' — shudder) on the world. Jennifer Love Hewitt may have been partially responsible for the most depressing show ever to grace prime-time television — namely, 'Party of Five'. It they ever got through a full episode without someone getting terminally ill, dying or having a heart-rending break-up, then it's news to me.

Still, Jennifer has moved on, made some sappy rom-drams and certainly doesn't deserve the ridiculous 'fat' publicity she's been getting lately. Truly, if JLH is fat, then someone better put Victoria Beckham on fat-watch — just one stray burger and she too could be tipped over the edge into porkiness...

Ever since JLH was snapped — the horror! — wearing a bikini while having a gorgeously normal body, there have been pregnancy rumours circling around her. And still they keep coming. So, once and for all — here it is from the star's rep herself: "She is not pregnant."

Oh, and the reason for the very latest of the baby speculation? Jennifer arrived at the recent Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards wearing what has been referred to in the press as, "a maternity-style dress". That, my friends, is a '70s-style dress. You may, perhaps, have noticed that there's almost nothing else for sale this season. And, seriously, if she were any thinner she'd snap. Leave the poor woman alone already!

Back to the Beckhams now — more specifically, David Beckham's underpants.

TRIXY HONORÉ
(pronounced On-or-ay) delights in the candyfloss vacuousness of celebrity gossip. Living in New York City, Trixy keeps an eye out for the rich and famous of the Big Apple as she hunts for great vintage clothing and tries to balance the joys of both style and substance. She is a firm believer in nice manners, wrist-length gloves and the greatness of television.

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Sure, celebs do shoots in their underwear all the time — many times without even underwear, though that tends to be before they become famous... But Becks' recent shoot for Emporio Armani was a bit much for the soccer player. Or, rather, it was the fact that other people — more specifically, his mother — got to see the pics when the ad campaign went public.

"I was quite nervous because, obviously, I knew my wife and friends were going to see it," admitted David on The Tonight Show. "And my mom was going to see it. She was the first one to call me and say: 'What are you doing?' I tried explaining it to her, but she didn't really get it."

Oh, to have heard that conversation.

Katherine Heigl didn't get to hold onto much of her dignity starring in the comedy 'Knocked Up', but she enjoyed the experience a lot anyway. Still, she's nixed talk that she's sick of the part in 'Grey's Anatomy' that made her famous.

"When I come back to 'Grey's'," says Heigl, "I am actually really excited. After nine months a year for four years, of course you're going to think: 'I want to be someone else for a while.' I landed really good things and I did them in my breaks. It broke up the monotony of the character and I'm very, very grateful for opportunities. But 'Grey's' is such a good cast. Everybody is amazing."

Panic over, 'Grey's' fans!

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