Plastinated parasite

She's (going to be) baaaack!

Yup, horror news reveals that Paris Hilton was entirely undeterred by her dire first album and plans to record another. You know, Paris — even though every club you go to (and you do go to a lot of them) probably plays one or more of your tracks each time you're there, that doesn't mean that those songs are actually popular.

It might just, perhaps, be that clubs are prepared to take the musical hit to make sure you keep coming back, which gets them loads of free publicity — not to mention the guaranteed patronage of whoever wants to see or be seen with you. So, no, don't record more music. Enough with that already.

I fear, though, gentle reader, that Hilton will not heed me. In fact, she's apparently roped her Good Charlotte-member boyf Benji Madden into trying to save the unsaveable.

"Well, actually, I have a studio at the house," says Paris of that source of so much misery. As for Benji, "He actually helped me write some of the songs for my new album, and for the 'BFF' show. He's a really amazing talent, songwriter and singer."

Ooh, could 'actually' be the Hilton buzz-word du jour?

The 'BFF' show is, of course, Paris' search in London for a, well, new BFF by means of a reality TV series. Because, hey, how could that fail to produce a true friend? What she's looking for, she tells us, is someone, "who is hot, who can keep up with me, and most of all, who is real and won't be a backstabber".

And the shocks just keep coming. Hilton is even threatening to perform a duet with her man Madden! Seriously? "Yes, definitely. When the show comes out," says the callous Paris.

But far more interesting than that plastinated parasite is former enfant terrible of my beloved 'Beverley Hills: 90210', Shannen Doherty. (Just one more month to wait till the new series comes out in the US! And hopefully SA won't be too far behind.)

Shannen wasn't exactly, um, popular with her cast-mates back on the original show in the '90s. In fact, fellow fomer '90210'-er Jenny Garth admitted at the time that the two of them would, "fight like cats and dogs". But now both Doherty and Garth are back working together on the new series — and perhaps recapturing a touch of those glory days on Aaron Spelling's finest teen soap shite, after the bleak decade-plus since then that they've spent watching their careers head south.

"There was almost a comfort in knowing that I was getting to work with somebody who had been on the original with me and gone through the same experiences," said an ebullient Doherty of working with Jenny, to the US's Radar mag.

"Like, 'Okay we've been through the war together already.' I never even gave any thought to it being awkward. I know how much I've grown up since then. I would assume that she's grown up the same amount."

If Shannen was super-ethusiastic, Jenny wasn't quite as blown away with joy. "It is what it is," was her laconic take on working with her former co-star again. "It's fine. No crazy drama's going on."