Oh, that Amy Winehouse. She's quite the firebrand.

You may recall that she was just in the news for klapping a concert-goer at the UK's Glastonbury festival — as well as for having pre-emphysema symptoms, her husband being locked up, being questioned for allegedly doing drugs on video — I could go on…

Now she's back with the assaulting. "There was no obvious reason for her flying off the handle," says the guy she reportedly hit twice in a London pub, to the UK's Daily Mail. "But she clearly thought I had done something."

"She was wild. She just flipped. It was if she had voices in her head."

That may well be the case.

Then, her lust for violence unsated, she apparently bashed a lecherous fan just hours later when they snapped her outside her house and pinched her butt. I'm thinking that one, at least, had it coming.

But, still, it seems that the new, cleaner and brighter Amy we've been promised may be a little way off yet. Nonetheless, she's got a cool beehive and a great voice — unlike some spoilt little socialites I could mention.

Remember Paris and her man Benji's recent jaunt to SA? A magical time for all South Africans… Well, to my great shame, I see that I missed what Ms. Hilton had to say about our Dark Continent at the time.

I thought you'd still want to know, though, that it's good news! The heiress just lurves the rainbow nation. And, um, this other nation that I'm unfamiliar with.

"I love Africa in general. South Africa and West Africa. They are both great countries!" gushes everyone's favourite tiny-dog-lover. If only this weren't the smartest thing to issue from Paris Hilton's mouth in some time.

Time is running out for Paris to transition from useless pseudo-star to productive member of society. Soon she'll be 30 and, frankly, that's tantamount to death if your life primarily involves internet sex tapes and getting snapped by the paparazzi in teeny dresses and bikinis.

Luckily — albeit not for Hilton — there's always a new crop of shameless publicity whores and spoilt kids of the rich and famous to fill the vacuum left by aging celebutantes. So, come 2025, who will be the new pack of bratty young celebs?

By then Paris, the Olsen twins and Nicole Ritchie will be, like, 80 or something. But just coming of age will be the whole new crop of star babies being born at the moment.

Surely neither Gwyneth Paltrow's Apple nor Nicole Kidman's Sunday Rose will be the new Kimberley Stewart. But Pamela Anderson's boys and Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen's daughters? I'm not holding out much hope.

Then there's the offspring of the ever delightful Matthew McConaughey, or is that MacOnnorhee… McHonorey? Somehow, I fail to care. (By the way, Matt and his girlfriend Camila Alves will apparently be making $3-million — more than R23-million — off the baby pictures. And word is that bidding for the Brangelina twin snaps has reached an insane $16-million — that's well over R120-million!)

Ah, yes, what a fine father Matthew will make. Just think, one day little, um, whatisname will look back at today's tabloids and see those photos of his daddy, from just a week before he was born.

Think how the wee McCornawho will enjoy the brightly-coloured pics of daddy on holiday — off having fun without boring, heavily pregnant mummy. Look! There's daddy stumbling around a Nicaraguan bar, blind drunk and hitting on anything with a pulse. That's a proud moment for any son.

Said one onlooker at the bar: "He already seemed to be drunk when he arrived alone, and he only got worse from there on."

"He was putting the make on every woman in his path, throwing his arms around them and trying to kiss them, and trying to dirty-dance with a few out on the floor. But he was a mess, slurring his words and stumbling around."

Fine work, Matt.

On with more of the next generation of celebs' kids: there's Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner's daughter Violet — plus a rumoured forthcoming sibling for her. Then there are Brangelina's 15 kids — what could possibly go wrong with their upbringing? — and Madonna's three — Lourdes, Rocco and David.

Can't be much fun for any of those children being hounded ceaselessly by the media, but I feel particularly for Madge's trio of kids at the moment, given the latest tabloid storm over those ongoing rumours that she and Guy Ritchie are headed for break-up and whether she's the reason for beloved US baseball star Alex Rodriguez's (or 'A-Rod' as the tabs like to call him) wife suing him for divorce because he's allegedly cheating on her with the Material Girl!

Not a fun time for Madonna right now, with all this and the imminent publication of her brother's tell-all book about her life.

Now, call me crazily old-fashioned, but I just don't get this selling-your-flesh-and-blood-down-the-river-for-a-book-deal thing.

Yes, Britney's mother, I'm looking at you.

Even when I think about the one person in the world who most annoys, frustrates and maddens me — the person I'd like to drop off a tall building if, you know, it weren't a terrible and unthinkable thing to do — even then, I can't imagine being cruel enough to publicly diss them in book form. Just opening their private life up to general scrutiny is bad enough, without adding in prurient personal accounts of their missteps.

But on to happier news… You'll be thrilled to know that my unwholesome love for all things '90210' has not abated, and that you, dear reader, will be kept up with all of the blow-by-blow action as we approach that glorious moment when 'Beverly Hills, 90210' returns to the small screen.

The latest is that the thoroughly unbearable, moralising character of Ned – owner of that super-cool teen hangout the Peach Pit — will be played once again by the otherwise unknown Joe E. Tata.

And, I know that you, like me, are all saying a special prayer that the temper tantrum-prone Shannen Doherty will be amongst the original cast coming back for the new series.

You know, regardless of her hard-to-work-with rep, Shannen looks practically well-mannered now, compared to that other famous Doherty — the one more likely to be passing out while high on heroin than singing, at any given concert.

By all accounts, Pete's stint in the British countryside trying to get clean, with the aid of his new model girlf, did not entirely stick.

Not if you count apparently being pretty damn high as a failure to 'go straight'.

More gems from the world of the under-fed and over-paid — in next week's Bitch and Famous!